My apologies for not posting in a long time. Life is a bit hectic these days.
I need to be honest and update you about my vegetarian journey.
I need to put this journey on hold whilst I am pregnant. It’s creating more problems for me than I ever realised.
Physically giving up meat was easy. Didn’t bother me in the slightest. It is mentally that is causing the problem.
At home I was doing absolutely fine. But eating out as a family has caused problems.
About 10 years ago now I slowly started developing an eating disorder which gripped me for a few years. By the end of it I was very thin wearing numerous clothes to keep warm and keep it hidden.
Eventually I saw that I needed to recover. I longed to be a mother and could not be the way I was living. I started to recover and got to a healthy weight. I fell pregnant quickly after with my first son Dylan. But I never ever delt with the mental side of an eating disorder. Still to this day the mental side of an eating disorder effects me.
Today I faced the worst challenge so far which had lead me to reevaluate things. Basically as a family we went to eat in tesco café. Their vegetarian option was next nothing so I went without whilst my family ate. It put me in an awful mind set . Which also stopped me from eating all day. I couldn’t shift the mind set. I knew I had to do something to kick myself out of this mind set. As this mind set can lead me to skipping lunch and tea and sometimes I can’t snap out of it after a few hours sometimes it can take a day or a few days. Which is not good while I am pregnant! Anyway I was questioning if I am mentally ready for this journey which I am not. Until I can deal with the mental side of an eating disorder that still remains I can’t be successful. I don’t want to try and deal with it until baby is born.
I think it is safer for my baby if I continue my vegetarian journey once I’m not pregnant. That way if I face challenges like this and I can’t eat for hours days etc I’m not hurting anyone else but myself.
This journey being on hold is effective as from today. Considering I managed to snap out of my food block and have some tea with my boys. Which was left over bolognese from the other day that we had frozen and it wasn’t till I was halfway through that I realised it was mince not Quorn.
As much as I want to become a vegetarian I am mentally not strong enough yet and I can’t risk hurting my baby by not eating for a day or a few days. So I will try and continue in a few months.